Hateplaying Sherlock Holmes (Part 2)

12:55 pm - 11/20/2014
And I return back to the land of brothels Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock is sciencing away at his table, while Watson mopes around like the last girl left sitting at the dance.

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Sherlock then asks Watson where to go looking for Baowpa's kidnapper, despite the fact that Watson's done nothing more investigative than go buy a book so far. And then, joy of joys, a prompt comes up asking the player where to investigate with a lovely click-the-letter-to-type interface! I'm getting flashbacks to Pokémon Blue. After much deductive reasoning guessing consultation of the walkthrough, Watson declares that they should investigate the docks.

First stop is the Cursed Mermaid pub, where a charming old drunkard feels the need to tell you he accidentally tore himself a new arsehole with his hook hand the last time he had worms. He's currently trying to drink himself into oblivion because the wooden hand he ordered on Ye OldeBay has yet to arrive.


Following a hint from the barkeep, Sherlock and Watson try to find a certain Harper who could have information about the kidnappers. Harper isn't home, but it neighbours are so the Guesswork Gentlemen drop in for a chat.

A woman is mourning her missing son inside. She's Nepalese, but luckily Holmes speaks Nepalese! Unluckily, Frogware's concept of Nepealese is programming a synthesiser with Asian-sounding syllables and getting a cat to run across the keyboard. I'm not kidding.

A bit more sleuthing and then Holmes and Watson run into a staggering man. Watson uses his masterful skills in medicine to determine that the man is drunk!

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The drunken man is also a postman and is lamenting his loss of a parcel. Following the trail and you end up at a moonshine brewers, who as inexplicably stolen El Scratcho's new wooden hand, but is so unmoved by it that he gives it over without a struggle.

Back to the pub and the man, newly united with his new hand, scratches his arse with a look of bliss that I really don't think is appropriate for a game of this rating (... whatever that is.)

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Holmes is unmoved by the offer of a kiss. Can't imagine why. The now unrequired hook-hand is abandoned on the bar and Holmes decides it could be useful and puts it in his pocket.

D:

D:

But now the game actually gets going. You find out a warehouse to investigate, and have a few clues filed away in the notebook. The warehouse reveals some blood splattered boxes, and a hatchway that leads into dank and dripping catacombs. That's never good. A rather nice puzzle to open an ornate door and... you're in a ritual sacrifice room, whee!

There's statues of Cthulhu, opium residue everywhere and blood-stained demonic scrawling on the walls including *gasp* Japanese!

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China... nune? I can't make it out... The fact that I don't know Japanese is not relevant at all...

In addition to the atrocity of hiragana there's a disfigured body on a plinth, but it's nice to see that these murderous demon worshippers are not so foul that they don't carefully cover their sacrifice's rude bits with a cloth.

And THEN, just when you think the horror of this point-and-click purgatory has been fully revealed, EELS. EELS BURST OUT OF THE CORPSE'S STOMACH. For reasons I cannot fathom at all. Did they make the dude swallow the eels? How are they still alive? What's going on? Why do I even play this game?

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In the next exciting edition: Holmes wears a bowler hat! Watson might or might not be confused! Deranged cackling!
scolaro 23rd-Nov-2014 08:45 pm (UTC)
Why do I even play this game?

So *we* won't have to, of course.

ARGH, the worms/hook thing is sooo disgusting, much more so than the eels! How do they even come up with shit like that?!
D: indeed!

Frogware's concept of Nepealese is programming a synthesiser with Asian-sounding syllables and getting a cat to run across the keyboard.

LOL, that's pretty much how it sounds! Oh dear, I hope no one from Nepal ever stumbles over that game and decides to give it a try.
tiathyme 24th-Nov-2014 06:43 am (UTC)
Ergh, Frogwares are so bad with non-English speakers. Which is hilarious, since they're Ukranian?
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